Your Memory Is A Monster

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It really is terrible advice. April 28, 2008

Filed under: Men Life Gossip — memorymonster @ 7:11 am
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A 13 year old could give you this advice: “Don’t be sad it’s over; be glad it happened.” They won’t say it (or punctuate it) so well, but they get the idea, and they know that somewhere between 13 and grown up, we probably kind of forgot.

But 13 year olds are idiots, try not to forget that. 

We are always sad when things are over. Vacations, weekends, parties. The bartender says “Last Call” and, if we aren’t ready to drag ourselves home, if we want to keep talking or playing or flirting, we hate the announcement. We sometimes comes to acknowledge that, while it was a great day or party or date, had it lasted much longer, it wouldn’t be so great. We are, in fact, glad that it happened and glad that it ended when it did. Otherwise, we’d be facing sunburns, alcohol poisoning, or boredom. 

Everything is different when it comes to relationships. Marriages end and people start chanting that they’ve wasted so much time, because it’s over. They try to embrace that advice from the 13 year old, but it doesn’t seem to fit. Again, remember: they are idiots. It sucks that it’s over. Of course it does. And it wouldn’t have become worse for having gone on longer, it became worse because you discovered some kind of incompatibility. Things change. And so they end. And you think you’ve wasted time because it wasn’t right.

But you’ve forgotten that everything is a process. And that 13 year old has yet to understand this, causing them to give you nice-sounding, but ultimately ineffective advice. 

The failed relationship is a part of the process. When you get to the person who is right, well, you or him or it wouldn’t be right had you skipped the step of the failed relationship. You have been changed and therefore prepared for the eventual right person.

So again, be glad that it happened and glad it’s over. You will have “wasted” just the right amount of time.

Thank Jerkface McExboyfriend, Asshat O’Onenightstand, Friendwithbenefits Johnson and Exboyfriend McStillyourfriend. 

They trained you for your eventual happy ending. 

 

Protected: Apartment 9, Next Door.

Filed under: Actions Speaking Louder,Beer Bar Drunk,Men Life Gossip — memorymonster @ 12:19 am
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Five Things. April 26, 2008

I know that everyone thinks that they have the coolest friends. Well, maybe some people, like girls who pass out on a bed at a stranger’s house and get left there by their friends. Maybe these girls don’t wake up thinking they have the coolest friends.

In fact, I woke up hating that friend but calling several others who helped me find my way home on foot, who called and got someone to bring me my spare house key, since that girl who left me there, she had my keys. But that was long ago. 

A week ago, two of my best friend wrote poems about me, and then read them to a fairly large audience that included many other of my best friends and my parents. After they read their poetry, I read the most personal essay I’ve ever read aloud, and when I glanced up between sentences, I saw them all really listening to me. My friends who weren’t there read the essay and emailed me their comments, texted me good luck and their regret at not being able to make it, their wishes to have made it.

Seeing I was nervous just before going on stage, my father bought me coffee, my mom bragged to my friends and students about me, a friend I’d met only a few weeks before pepped talked me and joked with me. These isn’t the job for your best friend–the prepping. I needed accolades from someone new; I needed to be comforted by someone for the first time.

Yesterday, one of my best friends and I talked for an hour or so, making plans about convening our lives in the future, tying up the loose ends of frivolity, making something of the last of our free years and doing something that we are uniquely capable of doing. It’s a strong contender for my list of best conversations ever. It just had the right feeling, that conversation, the right amount of compliments and comfort tempered with sarcasm, doubt and drinking. And really, those five things define me more so than any other five I can think of.

I’ve said “best friends” many times in this post, and you should know this isn’t a term I use as loosely as it may seem. These people, they really are that great.